I Used To Make Mistakes…

I still do, but i used to too. I’m impatient. I don’t communicate expectations. I’m rude. I shut people out. I assume the worst in myself and others. I push people away. I never spend a lot of time thinking about my pitfalls. Until now.

We have a culture happy to talk about how failures are a great learning opportunity, but often those “failures” were mostly due to our omission, not our commission. No one likes reflecting on how they have let down or betrayed people or themselves. It’s painful. It’s way more painful than seeing something in hindsight that happened to me that I can approach differently next time. I like the external variables. Internal variables are painful.

The only person to blame for my failure is me. It’s me. I am the sole reason for my pain point, and the only one that can fix that is also me. Somehow this is much, much harder to solve. I let myself down. How do I know I won’t let myself down again? I don’t. So what’s the solution?

Change.

Do better.

Be the opposite of my default.

Default is self-focused. Default is inward. Default is environmentally based.

Like a child unaware of his behavior, I repeat the same things over and over. Like a child, I see things through my desires and feelings. It’s all about me. I’m the reason the world continues. Fuck that.

Mastery of the brain takes time, attention, and intention. I don’t expect a seedling tomato plant to bear fruit without care and nutrients. So why do I expect good things from myself if I don’t take care? I ask myself each morning, “what worked and didn’t work from yesterday? How can I improve today?” Every day is a new day. Maybe I failed myself today, but tomorrow is another attempt. It is another opportunity to stop being inward-focused and start treating others with kindness and generosity.

Observe. Reflect. Act.