Creativity

Sometimes, the creative juices just don’t seem to flow. You sit down to write, draw, or compose, but it’s like icing a cake in Mohave dessert (I know it’s desert). Or like trying to explain politics to a 3-year-old. It takes a lot of effort to accomplish it. And when you force it, the outcome is often trash. There’s a great unknown in creativity. Countless books have been written on the subject, each with their own unique take. From practical steps to a more whimsical, head-in-the-clouds approach. Some of my personal favorites include War of Art, Big Magic, Creative Quest, and (I’m sure) Rick Rubin’s new book on creativity. He’s one of my inspirations.

But with so many variations, why is it we still struggle to fully understand and harness our creative potential? I believe there are a few reasons for this. First, everyone experiences creativity differently. - what works for one person may not work for an- other. Second, there’s still so much we don’t understand about the creative process. And finally, not everyone can write the same book and expect it to resonate with audiences.

I’ll be sharing how I experience and cultivate creativity in my own life. While my approach may not work for everyone, I hope it will provide some helpful tips and inspiration for those struggling to tap into their creative potential.

It’s all about flow

Flow state is a remarkable feeling that engulfs you entirely, allowing you to focus all your energy and attention on the task at hand. As psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (good luck pronouncing that in your head) popularized the concept, he described the flow state as “being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.” When you achieve a flow state, you become entirely absorbed in your work, feeling energized, and losing track of time. For more on his work, go here.

Personally, I find the flow state to be an addictive feeling. Once you experience it, nothing else comes close. However, it’s difficult to achieve. I am lucky to enter it once or twice a week, and for the rest of the time, I constantly chasing the dragon. But when I enter the flow state, my productivity skyrockets, and everything clicks into place.

To increase the likelihood of entering the flow state, I try to align everything I can control. For example, I eliminate distractions by turning off notifications and finding a quiet workspace. I also ensure that I am well-rested and have plenty of energy by taking breaks when needed and staying hydrated. I try to set achievable goals for myself and break down larger tasks into smaller, more manageable ones. By doing these things, I increase the chances of achieving the flow state and experiencing the benefits that come with it.

Procrastinating isn’t always awful

In fact, it often leads to some of my best creative moments. When I allow my mind to explore things that aren’t at all related to what I’m working on, I often stumble upon ideas or connections that I wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. This might look like procrastination, but it’s actually beneficial for my creative process.

For example, learning about how humans think, watching a documentary on mushrooms or an octopus or cannibal drug lords in Liberia, hitting up old friends to check in, or reading about creativity are all things that give me space to explore different ideas. And sometimes that space turns into panic, but that’s okay.

Tim Urban has a great TedTalk about procrastination and the panic monster that helped me accept my process and learn to deal with it. If we can turn our procrastination into a productive experience, at least we’re still progressing, not regressing.

Am I suggesting that we should just “goof off”? No, not exactly. For me, pressure is what leads to my flow state. It’s just how I’m wired. This might come from the times I spent as a kid working with my parents from 8pm until 3 or 4 in the morning stripping and waxing a business’ floors so they had enough time to dry over the weekend. Pressure is where I’m comfortable. Or it might come from owning a screen printing company with my brother and staying up late to finish a big order so we could ship it out the next morning. I like the stress.

Is that healthy? I don’t know, but it works really well for me. I feel like that’s where I thrive. Every job I’ve had, I’ve talked to my bosses and told them to put me in the ‘Fire- man’ position. The high stress problem-solving positions everyone hates.

I honestly don’t think we can tell others how they should operate. BUT, we have to know ourselves.

Understanding Your Own Process

Everyone experiences creativity differently, and it’s important to know yourself in order to cultivate your own creativity. Here are some tips for understanding your own process:

• Know where you’re comfortable

• Know what is good stress and bad stress to you

• Know your weaknesses

• Know your strengths

• Know what mixture of food/drink makes you feel your best - this can also be an absence of food and drink.

• Know how much sleep you need/want.

• Know when you’re being a little bitch and when you’re passively working on a project.

For me, I often am thinking about a project while I’m learning or playing. I think “how does this (procrastinating) apply to X?” or “What perspective does this (procrastinating) give me on X?”

• Know what time of day you feel most creative

• Know what negative things you say about yourself.

• Know what positives you can replace those negatives with.

I’ve found creativity doesn’t coexist with negative self-talk. It’s like a turtle that hides at the onset of danger. Accept yourself, even the darker sides, in order to create a safe space for that creativity turtle to thrive. When we understand and accept our own unique process, we can give ourselves permission to be creative in ways that work best for us.

Creativity is about the practice

Julia Cameron talks about creativity like an inner child - a curious and easily skittish child. To cultivate creativity, treat it like an inner child that needs a safe place. This requires a lack of judgment on yourself and a genuine acceptance of who you are. It’s not that you don’t have faults or things to work on, but it’s an acceptance that your best is the best you can offer at this moment.

Cultivate a safe place for creativity. It’s not about producing output or achieving public success, financial rewards, or comparison to others in your field. Creativity is not about the result, but the process of practice. Doctors practice medicine, so why do we often feel like artists should have creativity on lock? It’s about building the creative muscle, and when you use it regularly, it becomes much easier to access.

It’s all about practice, not output

To arrange your mind, you need to regularly use the things you desire to use, just like arranging a desk or kitchen cabinet. We all come pre-programed from childhood for good or less good. (Pro-tip) Always change everything to fit your needs - never just use it as it comes. Manufacturers, schools, businesses are often simplified for the lowest common denominator, but you’re not the lowest common denominator. You are more powerful than you ever thought possible, and you just have to tweak your default settings to align with your intentions. This is an ever evolving process that needs to be revisited frequently.

Our hope here is to have a creativity-filled life. To achieve that, you got to get great at the discipline of creativity. Creative practice is like eating your veggies, while the creative flow is the cake. I love cake. But Isabel Allende said it best: “Show up, show up, show up, and after a while, the muse shows up, too.” Just do your part to allow the creative forces to have space in your process.

Cultivating creativity is an important process that requires a safe space, practice, and a separation between creativity and criticism. We’re about the practice of building the creative muscle. Ideation, creation, repeat.

Separate creativity and criticism. They cannot coexist. This is the hardest for me. The critic is an important tool, but we should turn it on only after the creative process is complete. Like days after. Criticism is not a judgment of what you have done, but a hope for what’s coming. What can you change next time. Allow things to live in the world that are imperfect. Just look at Bob Dylan’s Christmas album and tell me that’s not imperfect. You’ve done far greater work, Bob. The focus should be on the process rather than endlessly tweaking for perfection, which may hinder the project from seeing the light of day.

Don’t live in “fix it” mode

We are all powerful beings. More powerful than we often allow ourselves to think. Your existence has purpose and the fun part of life is figuring out what that purpose is. Creativity is a way of expressing that purpose. Maybe we’ll never know, but maybe life isn’t about the end goal but the process of becoming.

Everyone’s creative process is different, and experimentation with different techniques and tips is essential to find what works best for you. So go out there and create freely and powerfully. Audacity is the friend of creativity!

***Images are from film swaps I’ve done over the years with friends. They shoot through a roll, put it in the mail, I shoot through the roll, and we hope the odds are ever in our favor. We just showed up and made some cool stuff. 

Cheese

My linage comes predominately from Italy. In 1882, my great great(?) grandfather Fraschio Napolean Fossati moved his family from the Italian northern countryside about three hours south of Switzerland to Victoria, Texas. An odd and ever-perplexing decision, the more and more I think of it. Victoria, if you have never been, is a sprawl of largely flat land that reminds no one of luxury. No one aspires to one day live in Victoria. Nothing against this, now, 100k person town with an elevation gain that perfectly suits people in rascal scooters, 95ft.

Fraschcio Fossati

Fraschio (Frank) saw potential not in the hills that hug Coccaglio or the jutting spires and cream and terra-cotta cityscape. He saw potential in the flat nothingness of Victoria, Texas in 1835. To this day, that potential he saw is still bearing fruit with the oldest delicatessen in Texas—Fossati’s Delicatessen, a thriving garden center—run by my Uncle John, and a plumbing supply shop still owned and operated by my 93-year-old grandpa. Without Fraschio making that voyage, you wouldn’t be about to read the best damn cheese article you’ve ever read in your cheese loving life. You owe him a debt of gratitude.

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, that’s fine, but the topic of cheese for an entire article might catch you surprised or even catch you judging the giant waste of time this article must be; both in reading and writing on such a topic.

However, on Instagram, I use polls giving my followers options on what they would like to see me write about. They/you, by a long shot, voted for cheese. Now, I have no problems with cheese. I, in fact, love cheese. The variety of colors, flavors, smells, and most of all the polarity. I think cheese is the food equivalent of Joaquin Phoenix. It’s an incredible character actor. You can put it in anything and it makes it better.

If you don’t know what I mean by polarity, just imagine a seemingly normal gal sitting on a park bench enjoying the delightful spring weather. She’s someone that you could see yourself being good friends with. You may even feel some attraction to her. And there she sits crossed legged on a wooden park bench in a marmalade allover floral eyelet ruffle-sleeved pin-tuck mini dress reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Wow! What a soul. Then she pulls out some cottage cheese and starts spooning it into her gullet with a surprising normality often reserved for a sane person. Turn OFF. Never gonna be friends. That’s polarity!

So without further ado, I will dive into the wild world of cheese because, well, you asked me to. And just to be clear, you chose cheese over Creativity, Writing (very meta), & Discipline. So I’m gonna take this as serious as I would those other subjects because that’s what you all deserve. This isn’t some sorta fluff piece to pad my blog numbers. It’s hard-hitting cheese commentary.

Cheese

Cheese has been around for thousands of years, with evidence of cheese-making dating back to at least 5,500 BCE. For context as to when 5,500BCE is, let’s reference to the oldest known temple in the world, Göbekli Tepe, was being constructed in what is now modern-day Turkey. This massive complex of stone pillars and carvings predates the pyramids of Egypt and Stonehenge by thousands of years. Cheese has always been there. Through the good times and bad.

It is believed that cheese was discovered accidentally—I think we’re being a little condescending thinking we know more than people back in the day by calling it an accident, but I’m no cheese expert. It was ‘accidentally’ discovered when milk was left out and curdled, resulting in the creation of the first cheese. There is great speculation which variety of cheese this OG cheese was but I’m gonna venture a guess and say this accidental delight is a variety lost to time. The forgotten cheese. So, I guess laziness isn’t always a bad thing. Last month’s breakfast is today’s treasure. Over time, people began to intentionally curdle milk and add different ingredients to create different types of cheese.

Cheese has played a significant role in human history. It was an important source of protein and nutrition for ancient civilizations, and it allowed people to store and transport milk in a more durable form. Cheese-making also became an important industry in many regions, providing jobs and economic stability. Could cheese be the bedrock of all civilization? Fire. Writing. Water way construction. And cheese.

In the town of Gorgonzola (you know where this is going), Italy, in the 12th century, a young couple found themselves in a forbidden romance. Perlagrina and her lover were forced to flee from the wrath of her father, a powerful nobleman that disapproved of their love. Probably something to do with politics, power, and money. You see, marriage was considered a way to merge power and forge alliances between families, rather than a romantic relationship based on love.

Noble families would often arrange marriages between their children to create political alliances, secure economic benefits, or gain lands and titles. A daughter’s marriage was a valuable commodity to be traded or negotiated to benefit the family’s interests. Sometimes, noblewomen were even married off as part of peace treaties to end wars or conflicts between rival factions.

Marriages within the noble class were often used to strengthen family ties and ensure that wealth and power remained within the family. Marrying someone outside of the noble class could threaten the family’s social status and political connections. As a result, noblewomen were often pressured to marry someone from a similar social class, rather than someone they loved. So we can assume this lover was poor but very charming.

So there they go, running off to enjoy the forbidden affection. They sought refuge in a cave near the town of Gorgonzola, bringing with them a supply of milk and cheese. As they hid in the cave, they discovered that the cheese had developed a unique blue mold. Not being a modern American that throws away all of their leftovers, they tried the moldy food. The mold gave the cheese a distinctive flavor and aroma, and soon the young couple realized they had stumbled upon something special.

They made the cheese regularly, selling it to locals and travelers passing through the region. The cheese became so popular that it was soon being produced in large quantities and exported throughout Italy and beyond. Today, Gorgonzola cheese is still made using the same traditional methods, and it remains one of the most popular and beloved cheeses in the world. However, the exact origins of the blue mold that gives the cheese its unique flavor and aroma are still a mystery. But there is no mystery that true love always finds favor from on high. How embarrassing for the old fart worried about his pocketbook but without that tension we wouldn’t have this beautifully moldy delight.

Cheese-making is both an art and a science. The basic process involves curdling milk and separating the curds from the whey. The curds are then salted and pressed into different shapes and sizes, depending on the type of cheese being made. Cheese can be made from the milk of cows, goats, sheep, and even buffalo. The latter leading my mind to go on an imaginary journey of the first soul that tried to milk a buffalo.

The type of cheese that is produced depends on a variety of factors, including the type of milk used, the method of curdling, the type of bacteria or mold added, and the aging process. Some cheeses are aged for just a few weeks, while others can be aged for several years. That’s the good stuff!

Cheese-making is a complex process that requires skill and attention to detail. Even small variations in temperature or humidity can have a significant impact on the final product. Many cheese-makers take pride in their craft and are constantly experimenting with new techniques to create unique, off-putting and delicious cheeses.

I also polled my followers with much encouragement about what their favorite cheeses were. Soft Cheese won by a landslide with 50% of the votes. That’s your Brie, Camembert, Feta, Goat cheese (chevre), Roquefort, Gorgonzola, Bleu d’Auvergne, Munster, Stilton, Limburger, Taleggio, Ricotta, Burrata, or Fromage blanc. I could’ve gone on forever not because I’m a cheese expert but because I am an expert at google (well, duckduckgo).

The Dark Side of Cheese

There is something for everyone in cheese. And of course we all know cheese leads to romance and a deep, deep intimacy, but enough of this heartwarming stuff. While cheese is considered a harmless and delicious food, there is a darker side to the cheese industry. Don’t believe me? Go to a high-end grocery store with 10 billion varieties of cheese and tell me it doesn’t suck half your life away before you can decide. Cheese has a dark side!

Just take the annual cheese rolling race in Gloucestershire, England. It is a dangerous and challenging event, and many participants have been injured over the years. The steep hill and uneven terrain can cause falls, slips, dislocated shoulders, or worse. I always aim to keep my shoulders located. There is no official record of the number of injuries sustained at the event, as it is an unofficial and unsanctioned race, but we can assume its casualties are in the millions, if not billions.

Some cheeses are made using animal rennet, which is derived from the stomachs of calves. This practice has led to controversy among animal rights activists, who argue that it is cruel and unnecessary. I would also agree that it’s unnecessary and gross. In addition, there are reports of a cheese black market, where rare and expensive cheeses are bought and sold illegally. Some of these cheeses can cost thousands of dollars per pound, making them a target for thieves and counterfeiters.

In 2013, a group of cheese thieves (a sentence I never thought I’d write) in Germany stole over 20 tons of cheese, worth over $80,000. Cheese theft is not just limited to Europe, as a man in New Zealand was recently sentenced to two and a half years in prison for stealing $20,000 worth of cheese. Cheese has also caused controversy in the political world. In 2013, a group of protesters in Russia dumped several tons of cheese in front of the Dutch embassy in Moscow to protest the Netherlands’ support of gay rights. Russia, you fascinate me so.

Like many food industries, the cheese industry is often plagued by labor issues such as low wages, poor working conditions, and exploitation of workers. Some workers suffer through long hours, dangerous equipment, and exposure to harmful chemicals. Sometimes, workers may be required to work overtime or on weekends without additional pay or benefits while all that cheddar (so sorry) goes to the BIG CHEESE (again sorry). All because we are addicted to this little accident.

I’ll give you that this is more of a human or corporatism issue rather than a cheese issue, but people condemn opium/heroine because of the industry it creates. Cheese is just as addictive. Go cold turkey off cheese. You can’t. I know plenty of vegans that still eat cheese because, well, it’s just that good. Cheese is also often considered being unhealthy because of its high fat content, but none of us care about that.

Actually, recent studies have shown that cheese can have some health benefits when consumed in moderation. Cheese is a superb source of calcium, which is important for strong bones and teeth. It also contains protein, which is important for muscle growth and repair.

Of course, it’s important to remember that cheese should still be consumed in moderation, as it can be high in calories and saturated fat. I just have to say this because people have tried to sue me before for the words I’ve said. Just covering my cheese loving ass.

Cheese is a versatile and delicious food that has been enjoyed by people all over the world for thousands of years. Whether you prefer soft and creamy cheeses or hard and nutty cheeses, there is a cheese out there for everyone. But as we have seen, there is more to cheese than meets the eye. From its fascinating history to its health benefits and culinary uses, cheese is truly a wonder of the culinary world. But what can we take away from this lengthy dive into cheese and the civilization it’s help construct?

It has played a significant role in human history. We share a love of cheese with those from thousands of years ago. That humanizes them. They were like us. Cheese was right by the their side midway through the Neolithic period. This is when many early human societies were transitioning from hunting and gathering to agriculture. In what is now modern-day Iraq, the Sumerians were developing irrigation systems for their crops. Cheese was also there as the first known examples of pottery were being created in what is now modern-day Japan, as well as in parts of China and the Middle East, cheese was there and continues to be an important part of our diets and cultures. Cheese has been enjoyed by people all over the world for thousands of years and undoubtedly made us who we are today. It doesn’t quite get the same accolades as the industrial revolution or the advent of the interwebs, but it was the fuel for those accomplishments that no one talks about. Cheese—I like to imagine Brie, was mostly likely accompanying Fraschio on his voyage to America.

And now I can finally get to the real reason you’re all here in the first place, my recipe for mouthwatering delicious cheese dip:

Ingredients:

8 oz. Cream cheese, softened.

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese

1/2 cup sour cream

1/4 cup diced green chilies

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp onion powder

Salt and pepper, to taste

Tortilla chips, for serving

Instructions:

In a large bowl, mix the cream cheese, cheddar cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, and sour cream until well combined.

Stir in the diced green chilies, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and pepper.

Transfer the mixture to a medium-sized saucepan and heat over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the cheese is melted, and the dip is smooth.

Serve hot with tortilla chips.

Optional: You can also add some cooked crumbled sausage, ground beef or chorizo to the dip to make it heartier.

Plea Bargains

Wilco is an important documentary, not just for me and my family but all that live in the USA. The doc brings to light the critical issue of plea bargaining and its impact on people's lives. The film highlights the injustices that can occur when the criminal justice system prioritizes convictions above all else and the impact it has on the convicted’s family. Plea bargaining can be a useful tool for resolving cases quickly, but it can also lead to wrongful convictions and perpetuate systemic injustices.

Plea bargaining is a ubiquitous practice in the American criminal justice system, where the prosecutor and defendant negotiate a plea agreement to resolve a criminal case without going to trial. While it can benefit both parties by reducing caseloads, securing convictions, and avoiding the cost and uncertainty of a trial, it's not without its flaws.

Injustice: Plea bargaining can cause defendants pleading guilty to crimes they did not commit in order to avoid the risk of a harsher sentence, like we just saw. This can lead to innocent people being convicted and punished for crimes they did not commit just to return to the life they know sooner.

Coercion: Some defendants may feel pressured or coerced into accepting a plea deal. And many are not fully informed of their rights or the consequences of a plea, which leads to defendants pleading guilty to crimes they did not commit, or to harsher sentences than they would have received if they had gone to trial.

Isolation and a lack of transparency: Plea bargaining often takes place behind closed doors, which can make it difficult for the public to understand the process or to hold the criminal justice system accountable.

Inequalities: Plea bargaining exacerbates existing inequalities in the criminal justice system, particularly for defendants who are low income, less educated, or people of color. These groups may be more likely to accept plea deals than others.

Lack of accountability: Plea bargaining can shield prosecutors and other government officials from accountability for misconduct, as defendants may be more likely to accept plea deals in order to avoid the risk of a harsher sentence if they were to go to trial. Effectively covering their tracks after everything is all said and done, unless investigated at a later date.

Plea bargaining can lead to wrongful convictions. Prosecutors may use the leverage of harsher charges or sentences to pressure innocent defendants to accept a plea deal, leading them to plead guilty or no contest to a lesser charge.

And some prosecutors (this was my fathers prosecutor) may withhold or suppress evidence that could prove a defendant's innocence to secure a plea deal. The pressure to secure convictions can also lead to prosecutorial misconduct, such as withholding exculpatory evidence or making false statements to the court, which can result in unjust outcomes.

Several high-profile cases have shed light on the flaws of plea bargaining and the need for criminal justice reform. These cases highlight the potential for plea bargaining to lead to unjust outcomes and wrongful convictions, emphasizing the need for reform (or maybe some reconstruction).

Ryan Ferguson: In 2005, Ryan Ferguson was accused and wrongfully convicted of murder after accepting a plea bargain. He spent nearly a decade in prison before his conviction was overturned in 2013.

Marty Tankleff: In 1988, Marty Tankleff was wrongfully convicted of murdering his parents after accepting a plea bargain. He spent nearly two decades in prison before his conviction was overturned in 2007.

The case of Brian Banks: In 2002, Banks was a high school football star with a scholarship to USC. However, he was falsely accused of rape and his attorney advised him to take a plea deal to avoid a possible life sentence. He served five years in prison before his accuser recanted her story and he was exonerated.

Michael Morton: In 1987, Michael Morton was wrongfully convicted of murdering his wife after accepting a plea bargain in Texas. He spent nearly 25 years in prison before DNA evidence proved his innocence and his conviction was overturned in 2011.

The Central Park Five: In 1989, five teenagers were wrongfully convicted of rape after accepting plea bargains. They spent years in prison before DNA evidence proved their innocence and their convictions were vacated in 2002.

Maurice Caldwell: In 1991, Caldwell was wrongfully convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison without parole in California. The case against him relied on the testimony of a single eyewitness who later recanted her testimony, stating that police had coerced her. After serving 20 years in prison, Caldwell was exonerated in 2011.

Thomas Haynesworth: In 1984, Haynesworth was wrongfully convicted of rape and sentenced to 74 years in prison in Virginia. Despite DNA evidence proving his innocence, it took 27 years and multiple appeals before he was released from prison in 2011. Haynesworth's case is often cited as an example of the flaws of plea bargaining and the need for criminal justice reform.

Jarrett Adams: In 1998, Adams was wrongfully convicted of rape and sentenced to 28 years in prison in Wisconsin. After serving almost 10 years in prison, Adams taught himself law and successfully appealed his conviction based on the ineffective assistance of his trial counsel. Adams went on to earn a law degree and became an advocate for criminal justice reform.

David Bryant: Bryant was convicted of a rape he did not commit in 1975 and was offered a plea deal that would have given him a shorter sentence than a conviction at trial. He refused to take the deal because he was innocent, and spent 38 years in prison before being exonerated in 2013.

The case of Jeffrey Deskovic: Deskovic was coerced into taking a plea deal in 1990 for the rape and murder of a classmate. He spent 16 years in prison before DNA evidence proved his innocence and he was exonerated in 2006.

The case of Richard Phillips: Phillips was wrongfully convicted of a 1971 murder and spent 46 years in prison before being exonerated in 2018. He was offered a plea deal multiple times but refused to take it because he maintained his innocence.

Rodney Roberts: In 1996, Roberts was arrested for a string of armed robberies in Washington, D.C. Despite a lack of physical evidence, Roberts was coerced into pleading guilty to two of the robberies, which led to a 10-year sentence. In 2004, DNA testing proved Roberts' innocence and he was exonerated.

Johnnie Lindsey: In 1982, Johnnie Lindsey was sentenced to life in prison for the murder of a Dallas police officer. The case against him relied on the testimony of a single eyewitness who later recanted, and forensic evidence that was later discredited. Lindsey claims he was coerced into pleading guilty in exchange for a promise that he would not receive the death penalty.

Christopher Scott: In 1997, Christopher Scott was sentenced to life in prison for a murder he did not commit. The case against him was based on the testimony of a single eyewitness who later recanted, and a confession from a co-defendant who later admitted to lying about Scott's involvement in the crime. Scott claims he was pressured into pleading guilty in exchange for a lighter sentence.

Anthony Graves: In 1992, Anthony Graves was sentenced to death for the murder of a family of six in Somerville, Texas. The case against him relied on the testimony of a co-defendant who later recanted, and a confession that Graves claims was coerced. After spending 18 years in prison, Graves was exonerated by DNA evidence that pointed to another man as the real killer.

Ricardo Rachell: In 2002, Ricardo Rachell was sentenced to 40 years in prison for a murder he did not commit. The case against him relied on the testimony of a single eyewitness who later recanted, and a confession that Rachell claims was coerced. Rachell says he was pressured into pleading guilty in exchange for a lighter sentence. He was exonerated in 2019 by DNA evidence that pointed to another man as the real killer.

The work of Wilco and its team will bring this issue to the forefront of public discourse and aims to inspire action to address the flaws in our justice system. By shedding light on the experiences of those who have been wrongfully convicted, the film encourages viewers to recognize the importance of fair and just legal proceedings. It also serves as a call to action for individuals and organizations to take part in advocating for change and reform in the criminal justice system.

The wrongfully convicted and their families had to fight for thier innocence and now we fight for change. Please join us in the fight as we work towards a more equitable and just system for all.

An Honest Perspective

the agony of breaking through personal limitations is the agony of spiritual growth. - Joseph Cambell

When I started outlining this piece in my head, I was going to talk about taking in some perspective to help you see just how good your life is. It’s a simple concept that I hold dear. Hardcore history, vice documentaries, world war ii books, and the list can go one for ever. There is no shortage of ‘dark’ material for us to learn and fill our heads with (see my list of dark things over at the ANGER post). I believe it’s good to do that.

If we don’t understand the darkness, we can’t treasure the light.

I woke up and felt like the following was the perspective I was supposed to write about. And I really don’t want to. But not making art isn’t a habit I’m into, so here we go.

Over the past 8 years—I know because having a kid deeply changes you—things started collecting in my mind on ways to improve myself and ways to improve those around me. I spent years learning—not just in the ‘it’s been eight years’ sense, but if I added up the hours, they would be years. For months on end, I consumed:

Tim Ferriss

Jocko Wilnik

Joeseph Cambell

Carl Jung

Brené Brown

Seneca

Epictetus

Marcus Aurelius

Cato

Jordan Peterson

Derek Sivers

Seth Godin

Gary Vaynerchuk

Rick Ruben

Steven Pressfield

Chris Sacca

Tim Urban

Cicero

and on

and on

and on

Thought provoking, life-changing works of writing. So I started trying to put them into place one at a time. Kind of like an obsession.

And I try really hard

- I take regular walks

- I watch the morning and evening sun

- I journal regularly

- I do daily breath-work

- I meditate

- I take in as much darkness as I can tolerate, helping me understand my situation is great compared to all of history.

- I have clear boundaries for work

- I work out every single day

- I read thought-provoking authors on performance and mental health

- I rarely consume alcohol

- I drink coffee every other day

- I don’t use THC**

- I have a lovely family.

- I have an absolute model spouse

- I am shown unconditional love daily

- I have land.

- I have a soon to be off grid homestead

- I have kids that bring me joy and levity

- I eat well

- I cultivate healthy communities of creatives and caring people around me (even online)

- I analyze my motives and adjust accordingly

- I process those adjustments and adjust the adjustments

- I tweak

- I revamp

- I learn

- I do my best to stay off any screens after the sun goes down

- I read

- I write

- I listen to wisdom

- I plan

- I re-listen to that same wisdom

- I am generous

- I am selfless

- I hope for the best in people

- I have healthy reservations about certain people I feel are fake

- I listen to my gut when it tells me things

- I practice honesty in relationships (even online)

- I don’t multitask

- I focus on one. Single. Thing.

- I fight for injustice

- I care for the outcast

- I mend the broken

- I heal through creativity

- I fight for what is good and true and beautiful

- I care for the orphan

- I make space for the elderly to be heard and seen

- I listen to the unlistenable

- I deeply care for all humanity

- I practice creativity daily

- I photograph

- I sing

- I play music

- I earnestly read Jesus’ words

- I write ideas

- I have moderate use of nicotine to improve cognitive function, memory and reduce my chance of Parkinson’s disease

- I strive for perfection while holding a tenuous grasp on the ever fleeting definition of that word, ‘perfection’

- I call my mom every single week

- I make space to care for my father in the best way I know

- I say nice things to people when I think of them

- I express daily gratitude

- I break colossal tasks up into small bit size pieces so I can swallow them easier

- I build things

- I make safe spaces

I do all these things because I know that makes a better life. A life that’s happier and healthy. A life that doesn’t feel gross but looks like artful acceptance and interaction with the world around. It’s all done with purpose and knowledge that these things will help me.

But I’m still not doing well.

It’s like running in quicksand.

The work I’m doing for Wilco is taking a mental toll and my brokenness is oozing out of the corners of my life.

i hate that

- I make promises and don’t keep them

- I take all day to do one task

- I eat my feelings

- I binge play COD mobile

- I watch documentaries telling myself I’m ‘learning’

- I procrastinate

- I get depressive days

- I spiral down into oblivion in the middle of the night

- I feel shitty

- I get sad

- I get angry

- I get mean

- I isolate

- I emotionally and physically freeze

- I don’t stretch

- I have back spasms weekly

The length of the above list could’ve been 100x longer had I not implemented the first list.

This work is laborious.

and I love it.

I don’t know how to end this because I haven’t figured out the ending. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Well…

The ending is death, but that won’t be for a while; I don’t think.

but who knows?

What If I left you when an AI generated story about perspective? Would that be good? It’s certainly a sign of the times.

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a shrewd entrepreneur who had just launched a new product. One fine day, a major client withdrew from a deal, causing the entrepreneur to lose a considerable amount of revenue. The entrepreneur, however, was not one to lose heart easily, for they knew that success was not always what it seemed.

As the days went by, the entrepreneur watched with keen interest as their product spread across the land. Word of their innovative creation soon reached the ears of a powerful influencer, who praised it far and wide on social media, causing a surge in sales and popularity.

But the entrepreneur was not one to be easily swayed by the winds of fortune, for they knew that perspective was the key to understanding the actions of others. And so they watched, with a wise eye and a steady hand, as their product became the talk of the town and the darling of the media.

As the demands of their growing business took their toll on the entrepreneur’s team, causing some to burn out and quit, the entrepreneur remained calm and simply said, “We’ll see.”

For the entrepreneur knew that success was not without its pitfalls and that the path to greatness was often strewn with unexpected obstacles. And so they watched, with a patient eye and a steady hand, as their investors came to console them on their team’s loss.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and still the entrepreneur remained steadfast in their resolve, for they knew that genuine success lay not in the result, but in the journey itself.

And so it was not the fame, the fortune, or the glory that the entrepreneur valued the most, but the lessons learned along the way, the friendships forged, and the wisdom gained. For they knew that in the ever-changing world of business, it was not what you accomplished that mattered most, but how you got there.

And so the entrepreneur continued on their path, ever vigilant, ever wise, and ever ready to face whatever the future may hold.

theend

**at the moment; check back in 60 days

Anger

I have two kids. Well, I have 4 kids, but two of them are black. Those are the two kids I’m talking about. We adopted and they have an entire story that is their own to tell, but what I’m going to share is uniquely and embarrassingly my own story. It just has them as supporting characters.

So sometimes, and I hate that I’m bringing this up, I am in situations where my wife and I are in predominately black community events. We are the minorities and I love it. Here’s what I don’t love. I have a lot of anxiety for my kids to act a certain way when we’re around other black folk. White people, I don’t care what they think, but the black community is very important to me.

When my kids decide to be, well, kids. Sometimes, I lose my shit. I get super anal about making sure they aren’t doing weird stuff that would make me look like a crazy white parent. I hope you realize just how vulnerable I’m being. It’s not my kid’s fault that I have anxiety about being a white parent to black kids but they can see the angry side of me. All through my head is going:

“Is their hair good?”

“Are these clothes not cool enough?”

“Did we get enough lotion on them?”

“Did we get TOO much lotion on them?”

The list could go on forever and ever. My anger peaks when someone throws things or hitting people or spitting on people or running away from us or trying to destroy other people’s stuff. And that anger is pointing me directly where I need to work on myself.

Today, we’re going to talk about anger.

Here’s our anger roadmap:

• examples of healthy anger

• examples of negative anger

• coping techniques

• finding the root causes of anger

• tools that have helped me manage my anger

• using anger for positive change.

Historic healthy anger

Healthy anger is the expression of anger in a way that is appropriate, controlled, and focused on finding a positive resolution. It is characterized by a sense of control, focused on the issue or behavior, and involves clear communication that is respectful and assertive. Healthy anger needs a proper aim, otherwise it’ll miss the mark and possibly turn to negativity.

Martin Luther King Jr. is widely regarded as one of the most influential civil rights leaders in American history. He used his anger at the injustice and discrimination faced by African Americans to fuel his fight for equality and social justice. While many people associate King with his message of nonviolence, he was not opposed to using anger to motivate action. In fact, he saw anger as a natural response to injustice and believed that it could be channeled into constructive action.

Malcolm X was another influential civil rights leader, known for his fiery speeches and passionate advocacy for black empowerment. He too believed in the productive use of anger, and saw it as a natural and necessary response to the oppression and violence faced by African Americans. For Malcolm X, anger was a means of awakening people to the reality of their situation and motivating them to take action. He often spoke about the need to “get angry” in order to bring about change, and he was not afraid to use powerful language and vivid imagery to convey his message.

“we are not anti-white, we are against anyone who is against us”

One example of Malcolm X using vivid imagery and powerful language can be seen in his famous “Ballot or the Bullet” speech from 1964. In this speech, he used the metaphor of the ballot to achieve change through the political system, or the bullet to achieve change through violent revolution. Stating “we are not anti-white, we are against anyone who is against us…we’re not a bunch of cowards. We’re not a bunch of Uncle Toms. We’re not a bunch of people who are going to sit around and wait for white people to give us something.”

You can hear his passion and anger at the situation even in this written word, and it’s inspiring. It causes me to want to bring change to places I see need changing. This is the power of constructive anger.

I have a significant amount of anger. The government stole my brother, and I’s childhood. They stole my father's and mother’s life. They took our ability to make ends meet, and they did this just to secure a job for themselves. That infuriates me. “Ballot or Bullet” sum up my feelings pretty well.

But I’ve made peace with those horrible people. I hope they are well. I truly do. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that happen to more kids and families and innocent people. Of which could be me, my kid, your kid, your mom, your uncle that’s super fun but definitely drinks too much. Wrongful convictions can happen if the status quo continues. Go here if you want to read more about the Documentary I’m working on.

Historic negative anger

I’m just gonna list as many come to my brain. Ready?

The Holocaust

Rwandan Genocide

The Crusades

Salem Witch Trials

Slavery (everywhere across the board. I’m looking at you UAE)

The Spanish conquest of the Americas

Klu Klux Klan

The Spanish Inquisition

The British colonization of India

The British colonization of pretty much any country back in the day

The Armenian Genocide

The Trail of Tears (different yet oddly similar to Spanish Conquest)

The Atomic Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

The Spanish Inquisition

Apartheid

The Trail of Blood (nothing quite like church folks duking it out)

The internment of Japanese Americans during World War II

It’s difficult to estimate the total number of lives lost in these conflicts combined, as the numbers vary widely depending on the specific event and the source of the information. However, the total number of deaths is in the tens of millions, if not more. The Holocaust alone resulted in the deaths of about 6 million Jews, while the Rwandan Genocide claimed the lives of roughly 800,000 people. The Transatlantic Slave Trade, which was fueled by the colonization of various countries and the Atlantic slave trade, resulted in the death and forced migration of about 12.5 million people. When you add in the other events on the list, it’s clear that the total number of deaths is substantial and represents a tragic loss of life. Anger is capable of death, malice, and destruction of the human spirit.

Root of anger

If unchecked, anger can do some pretty nasty stuff. BUT that doesn’t mean anger is bad. I feel like a cigarette salesman. “no no, no, listen. While smoking is indeed bad for you, nicotine helps with cognitive function and improved memory…”

Anger is a natural and normal human emotion that can arise in response to a wide range of situations, like feeling threatened or attacked, feeling frustrated or powerless, or feeling hurt or betrayed. It is important to identify the root cause of anger, cuz that can help us better understand our emotions and react in a more constructive way. Instead of cutting people’s heads off. Metaphorically (hopefully).

One way to identify the root cause of anger is to ask yourself a series of questions. Tell you what, let’s make this super cheesy and memorable. All you have to do is remember ANGER

Anxious - Am I feeling ANXIOUS or stressed? (probably)

Needs - What core NEEDS or values do I believe are being threatened by this situation?

Gentle - How can I GENTLY address those needs in a way that is productive and non-confrontational?

Experience - What past EXPERIENCE or trauma might be influencing my reaction?

Reflect - Can this anger be used for positive change?

Overall, understanding the root cause of anger is crucial for managing emotions in a healthy and constructive way. By exploring the questions that help identify the root cause and reflecting on personal experiences, we can all gain greater insight into our emotions and react more positively to challenging situations.

Let’s cope with anger

Anger can become a problem when it is intense, frequent, or inappropriate. Like getting angry at a river for getting you wet. That’s just inappropriate. When I’m experience anger that isn’t deserving of action, such as being annoyed by a minor inconvenience (“water got me wet”) or feeling frustrated with a situation that is out of your control (I sure hope these black parents think I’m cool), there are several techniques I use to help. These first two are ones that I use the moment of fire is coming out of my ears and the others are ways I help manage my anger and have fewer eruptions. You gotta play the long game here.

Take a break and breathe I am a huge fan of science and using science to help “hack” (I hate that term) our body and mind. Breathing is simple. You kind of do it without thinking about it. When you feel that range building inside, take a full inhale and, just when you feel you have enough air, breathe in even more. This will fully oxygenate your mind and slowly bring your heart rate down as you exhale. Do this 2-3 times and you’ll notice improved happiness. Crazy, but it works. Also, focus on your breath as you inhale and exhale. This can help slow down your heart rate and help you feel more relaxed. (see meditation two paragraphs down)

Engage in physical activity Tim Ferriss always says, ‘get out of your head and into your body.’ I love this one. Often leads to me playing, dancing (No one can angry dance but if YOU can please tag me in the video), exercising, going for a walk, jog, or run, or doing some other form of movement can help you calm down and feel more in control of your emotions. It also tends to get you away from the thing that’s bothering you.

(hint) these are small tiny little things you can control. That brings you comfort and helps you regulate yourself. Anger is often, for me, lack of control.

Practice mindfulness meditation Mindfulness meditation involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings without judging them. It can help you develop a greater awareness of your emotions and help you manage them more effectively. To be honest, when someone told me about meditation, I thought sitting and trying to just be with my thoughts sounded like an absolute nightmare. And it was. I hated it. I still hate it. But damnit all to hell if it doesn’t routinely help me with my issues. Like every day.

Write in a journal I do Morning Pages (nearly) every day. It’s stream of consciousness writing for about 15-20mins or 3 pages worth, whichever comes first. This is a safe place where you can let all your hateful words fly. You can say all the stuff you’re too afraid to say out loud. It’s a place for complaining like a child and throwing fits. It’s a place that you can get out the monkey mind. Also, writing your thoughts and feelings can help you gain insight into what triggers your anger and how you can manage it more effectively. Taking a step back always calms me down. You can also use your journal to track your progress and identify patterns in your emotions.

Verbally Process I love talking to people. I love talking about things and at things and through things. Talking is really beneficial to me. Writing is kind of like talking, at least the way I stumble my way through the process. Find people that will listen to you and share your burdens. It’s the most uncomfortable thing, but hot damn, does it do wonders when you feel supported and heard. Take a risk, as a friend to listen and be there for you and if they say no, well, maybe they weren’t your friend to begin with. Unless you’re a needy little POS and in that case, no one wants to help you because you’ve used up all of your friendship capital. It’s a thing. In that case, I’d focus on being less self focused. Serve others for a change.

Using anger for positive change

Casey Neistat’s short film on bike lanes is a fun an example of using anger to make something great.

During his long imprisonment and struggle against apartheid in South Africa, Nelson Mandela experienced tremendous anger and frustration at the injustice he and his people faced. However, rather than simply reacting to these emotions at the moment, he used them to fuel his planning and actions towards a larger goal of dismantling the oppressive system of apartheid.

“Don’t let your anger control your reason but rather your reason control your anger.” - Nelson Mandela

Anger can be a powerful force for positive change if we can channel it productively. Rather than simply reacting to my anger at the moment, I’m calculating. My anger motivates me to plan and take action towards being a more compassionate and understanding father. My anger motivates me to create a movement to spur on change in the plea bargaining system.

Mandela’s quote is a call to action to not just survive in the face of adversity and injustice, but to plan and work towards a better future. By using our anger as a tool for positive change, we can transform our emotions from a source of frustration and pain into a catalyst for growth and progress. It’s gonna be a fun ride.

Wilco: A Documentary on the Impact of Plea Bargaining and the Criminal Justice System

Wrongful convictions are a big problem in the US, and it’s happening to real people who are wrongly accused of crimes they didn’t do. The impact of these false accusations is massive, not just on the person who’s wrongly convicted, but also on their loved ones.

It is more than just time in jail. It’s a total life-wrecker that affects not just the person, but also their family and friends. The emotional toll is huge, with families losing a loved one, struggling financially, and being traumatized by the felony stigma. This can last a lifetime and impact entire communities.

We have to do something about it. Everybody deserves a fair trial and a chance to clear their name if someone has wrongly accused them. We all need to work together to stop wrongful convictions and help those who’ve been wrongly accused get the support they need to rebuild their lives.

Enter plea bargaining - a key part of the criminal justice system that has a tremendous impact on people’s lives. But the system has one major loophole, and it leans towards convictions above all else, leading to a lot of injustice.

So, being a filmmaker, I got a team together and we’re pursuing this important topic. The documentary—Wilco shines a light on the impact of plea bargaining on people and their families.

The movie tells the story of Troy, a man who chose between life in prison or ten years of probation for something he didn’t do. Plea bargaining can be a double-edged sword. It speeds up court proceedings, but it also has a dark side.

Troy had to decide between life in prison or ten years probation for something he didn’t do.

Troy’s story is just one part of the movie, which also covers the history of Williamson County and its 100% conviction rate. The movie covers many other cases of people who have been affected by the plea bargaining system. Just talking about the cases’ info doesn’t tell the entire story.

Wilco also inspects how plea bargaining affects families. Through interviews with Troy’s loved ones, we see how a felony charge can completely change the dynamics of a family. It puts a lot of stress and burden on everyone involved. Our film isn’t only about Troy, it’s about the millions of families affected by the corrupt plea bargaining system.

The movie has experts in mental health, finance, and the criminal justice system to provide their insights and perspectives on the impact of plea bargaining. Wilco makes the stats come to life, helping us better understand this loophole and how it affects hundreds of thousands of people.

The goal of Wilco is to raise awareness and make change happen. We hope to encourage people to look closer to our societal norms by sharing the stories of people and their families negatively impacted by plea bargaining. To make this happen, me and my team need your help. Whether it’s spreading the word, sharing on social media, or financial support, every bit helps. We can’t do this alone; the story is too important not to share our joy in bringing this to light.

We need people who see the importance of the issue. We need people who will put their efforts into making a difference. This is the path we are running down, and we’d love to have you join our efforts.

I am always happy to give you the entire story and show you how we plan on making this story come to life. You can find my schedule to chat more here.

(kinda) Digital Minimalism

I broke my phone. I'm gonna lay all the cards out on the table and say I used some force when putting my phone down to "prove" a point to my wife. Was this my best personal moment? Nah. Have I had worse? You betcha. I decided to sit with my wrong decision and go without a phone. What happened wasn't surprising. I kept doing what I usually do with more focus but not without a bit more effort. Then I thought about going back to a dumb phone. And I thought about this for days.

What I came to was using outdated tech just because I can't figure out how to op- erate in the world is just kind of ridiculous. That's not progress. We need people that are moving forward with tech as an asset and tool. Moving backward is very clearly not moving forward. So I decided to make a plan for my phone usage. First, I spent some time (because I didn't have a phone) thinking about the nature of the apps I use and the phone's intentional.

Observations:

• Colors. We are drawn to specific colors. Marketing and design people know this. The red button notification on each app indicates an urgency. The blue welcomes and calms (not really) us. The overly playful, slightly bloated look of things reminds us of babies. Yes, babies are bloated, and they're cute as hell.

• Apps are, like heroin, made to be addictive. This has been said a lot, but it's not untrue; apps like Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, TikTok, basically any- thing with a feed, operate like a slot machine. "This thumb scroll is gonna bring me little dopamine hit I was looking for" It's designed to be addictive. That's fine. Capitalism. I get it. However, suppose I don't acknowledge the issue. In that case, I might become the 80-year-old woman playing the pen- ny slots and getting free Mi Thais. It's a life for sure but not necessarily where I want to end up.

• Ease of Clutter I'm a reasonably clean person. When I'm working, I'm not. BUT 90% of the time, I clean up. With the digital space, it's so easy to just let stuff happen. Unless I'm super vigilant, I turn into a digital hoarder. I'm very organized on my computer, but it was like a 17-year-old's bedroom when it came to my phone. Sure, I had folders, but it was 4 pages of decomposing apps like Twitter (which I don't even have an account for).

Conclusion:

After being without my phone for a week, I came up with this game plan:
Step 1: Delete Everything. Just start fresh.
Step 2: Make a list, on an analog notebook, of the apps I want/need to carry and list out what kind of time limits I want to put on them.

Step 3: Download apps and put them all in one folder on the second page of my phone's screen. This eliminates my attention being grabbed by colors or design. If I need It, I'll just use the search function. The only exception is Spotify for easy access.

Step 4: Set the wallpaper for the lock and home screen as something boring but doesn't keep my attention there too long.

Step 5: Turn off all notifications and check email, messages, and social media one- two time a day. This may change based on whether I'm in a shoot or whatnot, but I'm going to give it a go.

Step 6: Set app time limits and have my wife set a password for them.

My hope is thoughtfully setting up my phone (like I set up my computer) will help me with distractions and increase focus.

P.s.

I recently stumbled across an internet browser called Brave. I've used Brave on my computer for about 2 weeks, and I'm so pleased with the platform. Brave is an open- source client that blocks trackers and ads while using it and gives you stats on how many ads and trackers it's blocked. This last week it blocked 8058 and saved me al- most 200MB of bandwidth (7mins). I'll take saving 7+mins a week. In 5 years, that's 30hrs of my time. Why not? They hope to put the power back in consumers' hands by paying us to view ads and allocating BAT (Basic Attention Token) to content providers based on the attention you give the site monthly. Thought you might care if you're reading this and looking to get more intentional with your digital life. Privacy matters.

My Lesson in Appreciation from Two Davids

My neighbor David is just south of 75 years old. He reached out to have us over for dinner within 3 weeks of us moving to our small town outside of Austin. That dinner concreted our two-year-long friendship with him and his partner. David was a painter in the mid-’60s to the mid-’70s art scene in New York City. He became pretty well known in that scene, and in his words, “got a big head.” After some issues in life, he decided to leave the fine art world. He stopped painting for about 30 years to pursue things that didn’t attract a spotlight; homebuilder, pilot, and dog trainer, to name a few. But just before COVID hit, he started painting again!

It’s such a delight to hear his stories, take in his art, and see his perspective on life. He has a childlike wonder at the simplest things. He marvels at random things that we all tend to overlook. He recently talked to me for 20 minutes about how the ceiling lights in his friend’s restaurant reflected off the freshly waxed floor. It’s not just the wonder that baffles me. His ability to deconstruct why something is the way it is gives me pause and admiration. In these 20 minutes, he broke down how the concrete floor must have been poured, how the finishers sanded the floor, how the lights were hung, and how his eyes deceived him. Some might call this a kind of elderly-man-story-about-nothing, but I see it as so much more.

His thoughtfulness reminds me of Da Vinci’s journals. Da Vinci would write these random little things, some on human anatomy and its proportions and others on designing armor and bridges for the military. In one entry, Da Vinci wrote, “Describe the tongue of the woodpecker.” Something I have never thought of much until I read his question. He would later discover a woodpecker’s tongue can extend more than three times the length of its bill. When not in use, it retracts into the skull, and its cartilage-like structure continues past the jaw to wrap around the bird’s head and then curve down to its nostril. In addition to digging out grubs from a tree, the long tongue protects the woodpecker’s brain. We now know when the bird smashes its beak repeatedly into tree bark, the force exerted on its head is ten times what would kill a human. But its strange tongue and supporting structure act as a cushion, shielding the brain from shock. In all of these, Da Vinci’s curiosity is what led him to be one of the greats.

And so it is with my neighbor, David. All of these little musings affect his art.

As I’ve been talking with David about his current project, I’m ashamed at my own blindness to the beauty God freely gives. Not only am I convicted that I’m not cherishing His creation, but I’m also not deconstructing it to find its (His) brilliance and design. I find much appreciation in the structure of many kinds of art forms. I love a well-crafted song that’s familiar yet new, a painters reimagining and intentional brushstrokes of reality, or an author’s graceful and fluid prose. And yet, I’m overlooking the very thing that inspires such works of art. David unknowingly reminded me of my oversight, and for that, I’m forever grateful.

Another David, who is not my neighbor, wrote words that echo this truth in Psalm 19.

The heavens declare the glory of God,
and the sky above proclaims his handiwork. 
and 
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

I want to meditate on His creation because it is GOOD. I want to make art that showcases that goodness. I want to be an artist that appreciates the small forgotten things of creation and marvels at His kindness in gifting them to us. I love what Francis Schaeffer wrote in his book Art and the Bible,

…you are a Christian artist; therefore, you must not freeze up just because you can’t do everything at once. Don’t be afraid to write a love poem simply because you cannot put into it everything of the Christian message. Yet, if a man is to be an artist, his goal should be in a lifetime to produce a wide and deep body of work from which his world-view will show forth.

Oh, how I aim to create a broad and profound work that shares my hope for the world

How Curiosity Leads To More Creativity

Leonardo Da Vinci, you know, that guy that did the Mona Lisa, well he was more than a painter. He was an engineer, chef, writer, artist, inventor, humorist, musician, painter, architect, political advisor, designer, botanist, and civil planner. He also journaled like a madman. In each of these journals, endless musings and designs range from bridge and armor design to wondering what psi a pig's lungs can be inflated to before they burst. Oh, and many drawings. Not only is he one of the most influential artists ever, but he also was the first non-medical professional to dissect a cadaver. Gross? Maybe but he was curious.

That level of curiosity led him to understand the world around us in a more profound way and make art and inventions that made the world a much better place. Science and art often aren't spoken in the same sentence, but maybe they should be.

Science is by definition:

The intellectual and practical activity encompassing the systematic study of the physical and natural world's structure and behavior through observation and experiment.

Art or creativity is just that, except it's interpretation, not experiment.

When artists start to get curious, the thread they follow leads them down a new untrodden path. They start asking questions and prod into the physical and natural world, leading to tons and tons of ideas.

To be creative means to live wholly in the world. To understand or at least attempt to understand why things are the way they are. This kind of curiosity led Da Vinci to dissect a human and study the muscles and how they operate. In turn, this led to him having such detail in many of his paintings that no other artist at the time had.

Creativity is a skill, and curiosity is the catalyst to develop that skill further. There are no natural-born creatives, only practicing curious question asking paintbrush and pen bearing humans.

Here are some questions we can use to help us on our curious journey:

What assumptions do I have about X?

Why do I believe what I believe about X?

Is this common wisdom accurate or relevant still?

Just ask "Why?" and also "Why Not?"

Do you not see how many and how varied are the actions which are performed by men alone? Do you not see how many different kinds of animals there are, and also of trees and plants and flowers? What variety of hilly and level places, of springs, rivers, cities, public and private buildings; of instruments fitted for man's use; of diverse costumes, ornaments, and arts? - Da Vinci

Also he wrote backwards. OK BYE!

Intentional Story Telling VS Unintentional Story Telling

Story Telling Week 3

There are no forms in nature. Nature is a vast, chaotic collection of shapes. You as an artist create configurations out of chaos. You make a formal statement where there was none to begin with. All art is a combination of an external event and an internal event… I make a photograph to give you the equivalent of what I felt. Equivalent is still the best word.

― Ansel Adams

HOMEWORK

1. If you haven’t already, write down some core values maybe like 5-8 and pick 3 from that list.

2. Observe the same space for 15-30mins every day. Just listen, look, learn, reason. Be present. Write about what you see. Nothing fancy. A log with a little bit of narrative is fine.

Why Sales Marketing Should Be One of the 7 Deadly Sins

Small businesses act like they're for their customer by throwing a customer appreciation day one time a year, but it's all to get more customers in the door. But it is not really customer-centric. It's still very much business-centric. If you're going to be customer-centric, you have to put in daily things for your customer; you have to add a lot of value. This business-centric approach is what I like to call Sales Marketing. Sales Marketing wants to sell people something at every turn. Isn't that the point of a business to sell stuff? Yes, but also no. I'll explain it.

I think the best practice for any business, and I mean ANY business, is to do Relationship Marketing. Let's say you're a garden center. You have plenty of people that are interested in gardening, that's why they go to your store. You have some customers that are experts. They don't need your help, but maybe a couple times a year. Then you have the intermediate, the guy that kind of knows what he's doing. They'll come to you occasionally for help. And then you have the guy that has no idea what he's doing, but he values plants. This guy needs some information ALL THE TIME. If all you're doing is a customer appreciation day, you're serving the expert only.

You should give weekly tips and free classes—something for the novice like How To Compost or Learn How To Grow Things From Seed. For the Intermediate, you have courses on houseplants, how to appropriately water, what kind of pot is necessary, and how to identify your plants' issues. Give everything. You give all of your information away.

You are making you're leveling up your clients. You're making it to where they're going to feel more confident, they're going to feel like they can get this shit done. Instead of you being the hero, you're putting them on the path to be the hero of their plants. I'm not saying don't have customer appreciation days. It's just an ancient mindset of what customer wants. The economy that we're in now VALUES relationships. It values a connection with people and businesses they frequent. Why wouldn't they just go to Home Depot or Lowe's or a big box store? They go to your small garden center because they value knowing that they're buying from someone with a lot of pride in what they sell. They also love the knowledge that they can pick from. You need to double down that and talk about all your stuff. Give them everything.

Another must is turning online. If you do not pivot online and figure out how to be on social media, you will die a prolonged death. Having a badass website that people can buy things, especially in the pandemic, is a no brainer. Have people come to your online store order something, come pick it up, AND NOT EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR. And on that website, you have tons of free information. This is what you do whenever you have aphids, What you do whenever you have whatever. Find their pain points and address them. There are tons of things that you can do to add value and make their transaction so much easier and better. This is a lot of work, a lot of work, but it pays off. Because the people that learn from you have friends and family that shop at a big box store. And they are now your evangelist.

But now they're next level gardeners, because of the information that you gave them. They know that if they have any other issues, you're the place to go. They'll drive 45 minutes just to go pick up something from you because you gave and gave and gave. Treat each customer like a person, not a transaction. And I know you know this, but we get lost. We get lost in the mindset of like a profit loss statement. We get lost in this ROI. What's your ROI for years of kindness and generosity? Trust me, your investment will pay off dividends. We're looking at the long term. You're not a fly by night small business. You don't want to grow a business quickly so you can sell it to a larger Corporation. You're wanting to develop something with culture, and with, you know, just a very excellent thoughtful way about it. No large corporation can compete with.

So, if you are going to do any of this, it takes intention. It takes planning, thought, and allocating 2,3,4 hours a week (or a day if you're feeling frisky). Always giving more than you get. Without this kind of thinking, many people look at social media as an utter waste of time. Many people look at social media as just a thing that you're sending out to the masses. Instead, look at it as the followers I have the 200 followers, the 5000 followers, you know, 10,000, the whatever, you're investing in them. You're looking for their word of mouth, and then you build this momentum from that base. We're just in a living room, it's a giant living room, and we're all there. Maybe you know some of these people, perhaps we don't know others, but somehow you're connected to them because this person knows that person who knows the person you don't know. So, you have to invest in your people, whether online or in person. And think about it. Genuinely wanting their success, not doing it, not doing it so that you can make a profit off of them.

Look at customers as customers, look at them as individuals, as people, people with problems to be solved, and you have a solution. So why not help them solve their problems? They're going to remember all you gave and the care you had. They're gonna think, "They gave me so much. They brought me to this place where I feel confident, spending this money, knowing that I'm not going to kill all these plants that I bought." So it's education education education and value, value value. Just have to dump on them, give them as much as humanly possible for you. When you have that kind of word of mouth, that kind of culture that people want to be a part of, the sky's the limit. Your business is infinitely scalable.

Why Branding Makes You A Better Lover.

Brand talk is very much a buzz word right now and is like the morning dew; once you have a grasp on it, the next thing you know, it's gone. What does it mean? How do you know what your brand should be? I get it. You kinda feel like a vampire commissioned to paint a sunset.

I'm here to help you understand everything you need to know about building a brand that is rock solid and take all the ethereal bullshit out of it. Also, I'll cover why it makes you a better lover.

First, you will want to figure out some core values for you or the business you have created. NOTE: Artists, you have a fragile line between you and your art, and that's 100% OK. You just need to be intentional with your brand boundaries, which we will talk about later. OK, back to the regularly scheduled programming.

For Sasquatch Studio, I created my brand based on the following core values: Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Discipline, and Humor. The reason I picked them is a whole nother blog post, but let's just say for the sake of brevity that all of these matter to me, Sasquatch, at a profound level. These values are my guiding light. Every interaction, every email, every client I work with, these values are forefront in my mind. When someone yells at me, and I want to yell back. I remember kindness and generosity. When I have a deadline and don't know how I'm going to get it done in time, I remember discipline and honesty.

You can literally pick any word that you want as one of your core values as long as it means something to you, that's all that matters. To help prime the pump, here a few words I cooked up for you:

ACCEPTANCE ACHIEVEMENT ADVENTURE ALTRUISTIC AMBITION ATTENTIVE AUTHENTICITY AUTHORITY AUTONOMY BALANCE BEAUTY BOLDNESS BRAVERY BRILLIANCE CALM CARING CLEANLINESS CHALLENGE CITIZENSHIP COMMUNITY COMPASSION COMPETENCY CONTRIBUTION CREATIVITY CURIOSITY DETERMINATION FAIRNESS FAITH FAME FREEDOM FRIENDSHIPS FUN GROWTH HAPPINESS HONESTY HUMILITY HUMOR IMAGINATION IMPROVEMENT INDEPENDENCE INDIVIDUALITY INFLUENCE INNER HARMONY INNOVATION INSPIRATIONAL INTELLIGENCE JOY JUSTICE KINDNESS KNOWLEDGE LEADERSHIP LEARNING LOVE LOYALTY MASTERY MEANINGFUL MINDFUL MOTIVATED NEATNESS NURTURING OBEDIENCE OPENNESS OPTIMISM PARTNERSHIP PASSION PEACE PLEASURE POISE POPULARITY PROSPERITY PURPOSE QUALITY QUIETNESS RECOGNITION RELIGION REPUTATION RESILIENT RESPECT RESPONSIBILITY SECURITY SELF-RESPECT SENSITIVITY SERENITY SERVICE SPIRITUALITY STABILITY SUCCESS STATUS THOUGHTFUL TIMELINESS TOLERANCE TRANSPARENCY TRUSTWORTHINESS WEALTH WISDOM WONDER WORTH

Now that you have figured out your core values, you can move on to other things your brand needs. Our next stop, colors. This is a very subjective one, but at the same time, I think we can all agree if you picked hatred and loathing as a core value, you're probably not going to pick bubble gum pink as one of your colors. PROBABLY. I'd suggest just closing your eyes, saying some of the words, and see if you come up with a color. Or you can just go to a home depot or lowes and see which colors on their giant color wall resonate with you. No one said this didn't need to be fun. Just take a day and enjoy the process. The clarity you'll get from this exercise will be worth its weight in paint or gold or some shit by the time you're done.

OK. The colors are done. Now what? Now we get into logo creation. Unless you are a graphic designer or know your way around illustrator/canva really well, just hire someone and create a badass Pinterest board for them to work off of. This board will have your colors and some inspiration that they can draw from. It'll pay off for you not to get frustrated and get something you're not going to endlessly wonder if it's good enough.

BOOM. Core values. BOOM. Colors. BOOM. Logo.

Now it's the time to decide on some finer details like what platforms online will you mainly use. Are you a Snapchat and TikTok brand or a Facebook and LinkedIn kinda brand. More importantly, how are you going to come across on those platforms, and where are the majority of your people? This all goes back to your core values. Before you write anything, look at your core values for the first month and then create from that framework. It'll take a few weeks or months, but after a while, you'll start to settle into the style of the brand you created, and you will be off to the races.

A brand is about trust first and foremost. That's why you put effort into it. You can't expect Peggy Sue to trust your word when you've literally taken no time to think about the words you are saying to her. The return of this exercise will pay off in dividends before you know it.

BUT WHY DOES IT MAKE YOU A BETTER LOVER?

Confidence and empathy. That's why. You have put in hours of preparation to clarify how you want people to see your brand. That takes dedication and understanding of who you're pursuing. You see how this correlates? A good lover AND brand listens with care, is confident, passionate about what they do, and know why they are there. It's that simple.

We should talk about audience next. That a very key step in branding but I’ll cover that another time.

Story Telling - Week 2

Download Workbook

Homework this week:

Do outline. You can download the workbook above.

We are going to observe ourselves this week. I got this one from my favorite author Neil Gaiman. “Practice honesty in your writing, choose one of the following moments and write a few paragraphs in your journal about it. As you write, pay attention to your inner register about what you’re writing, noting the particular things that make you uneasy. Try to be a little “more honest than you’re comfortable with.” Remember that being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared; it means you do it anyway.

• -  A time when you were deeply embarrassed.

• -  When you regret something you did.

• -  The saddest moment of your life.

• -  A secret you are afraid to talk about.

Take the work you wrote above and either read it aloud to someone you trust, or read it alone and pretend that you have an audience. Listen to the way you sound and pay attention to the sensations in your body as you’re reading the difficult moment. Consider what you’re afraid of being judged for, or afraid of saying out loud. Write those things down.”

Here’s a quote that has inspired me to do the hard things.

If you can sing like birds sing, not worried of what others think, you can achieve the impossible. - rumi (kinda)

5 Secrets For Marketing Artists.

Be unique.

 People care about the money they are spending, and if you expect people to pay you for the work you are putting out there, you need to embrace your weirdness. Otherwise, people will look at your price tag instead of your work and search for the lowest cost. AND you don’t want to be in the lowest cost bracket. You want to be weird and unique. This is what draws people to you.  

Become empathetic

If I am a cat food company, you better believe all my messaging will be directed to cat owners, not people who want to buy art. Sure those two may overlap at a certain point, but unless you are making art with cats as the main subject, you’re going to be shouting into a black void full of hairballs and kitty litter. Become empathetic and genuinely think about what problem you are solving for your people. What are their morning routines? What are their fears? What are their driving forces in life? Find those out and speak directly to those issues. 

Share Love

You are an artist; you love your process, and yes, maybe you hate it sometimes too. Show what you love about your process, what drives you to create, and what you are excited about. People love to be in the loop in a field they might have little experience with. You want to captivate them and show them you absolutely love what you do. That kind of love is intoxicating and inspiring. 

Tell your story

I’m not talking about a bio. That’s only part of it. You are much more than where you were born, your given name, and what you like to do. You have conflicts, passions, frustrations, longings, and all the things that make up humans. Learn to invite people into your story and build tension. At first, this can be difficult, but just take a week and write in your notes app all the things you encounter in your week that are tensions in your world. This is just building your ability to observe the world you live in. We all have tension; we just don’t think about it being tension, just life. 

Stop being precious 

Whoever you are looking through your Instagram story views for, stop. Stop caring if they saw it. Stop making content for them. Just embrace it. You are enough. Your work is enough and what they think of you is none of your business. Make work you are proud of, put it out into the world, and then go out and do more work. It’s honestly just a numbers game. If your work matters to your audience, you will do well. It’s not about growing a MASSIVE following. It’s about connecting with people you have. No matter how small, 100, 500, 5000 loyal fans of your work. 

Story Telling Series - Week 1

Part 1 of 8 for my story telling series.

HOMEWORK WEEK 1:

Deconstruct a story you know by heart and write a new perspective on that same story. Just a short outline is enough but if you want to do more, do more.

4 Cs of story are:

1. Character

2. Circumstance

3. Choice

4. Change

Hero’s Journey typical guidelines:

1. Status Quo (Ordinary World)

- At rest in home culture

2. Call to adventure (Ordinary World)

- Outside culture interacts with hero and calls him to action

3. Supernatural Aid (Ordinary World)

- More outside culture interacting with the hero to bring action

4. Crossing the threshold (Supernatural World)

- Finds himself in a world unknown to him.

5. Road of trials (Supernatural World)

- Lost of testing of his resilience in this new world that he must overcome.

6. Approach (Supernatural World)

- Meets companions. Meets mentor. More Trials.

7. Ordeal (Supernatural World)

- Near death experience but survives.

8. Reward (Supernatural World)

- Is rewarded for not dying. Could be knowledge, treasure, etc.

9. Magic Flight (Supernatural World)

- Flees the scene being pursued by the enemy.

10. Return (Supernatural to Ordinary World)

- Arrives back with more knowledge and power

11. Resurrection (Ordinary World)

- He has gone through a transformation

12. Resolution (Ordinary World)

- ONE FINAL TEST. He must use all the knowledge he has gained up until this point to pass the test/trial.

13. New Status Quo (Ordinary World)

- and so it begins again

The Insider's Guide to Failure

I've written a fair amount about failure. I am a failure in a lot of ways. I did awful in school, started and failed 3 business by the time I was 25, and some might say my hygiene routine is a failure. That one I disagree with. You guys are just taking too many showers. 

All of my failures in life have brought me to where I am now. I've let people down, felt terrible about it, and changed the way I do things going forward. I have no shame about failing anymore. I'm not worried that someone is going to look at me and think, "what a failure." They don't know me. True failures stop. They stop trying doing thinking acting, moving breathing. Yeah, that's right, I'm calling you out dead people. Honestly, I'm not because they did succeed at dying, so there's that. 

As the title implies, I'm your insider guide. I know what I'm talking about. I know what it feels like to put a massive amount of effort into something only to see it come crumbling down. It's not fun, but it's a good feeling. It's good because you know what you did or didn't do, what you should've started earlier, what you thought wasn't a big deal that turned out to be a giant chimpanzee in a dress yelling at all your customers to go away. But now. Now you know. 

It's about improvement. Getting better. Take failure head-on; don't hide from it or feel shame or guilt about it. You are learning. I'm learning. No one has it figured out ultimately. So take an opportunity to learn from it. Grow like a tree in a rainstorm and anchor your roots deeper into the ground, so you don't fall over and truly FAIL. 

Yes, some things are out of our control. Business partners steal, spouses cheat, pandemics hit, but if you can be the one to take a step back, access the situation, take a breath and start moving again. And if you don't know how to do that, I've got you. 

Let's say…

When the pandemic hit, you lost your job and decided to start your own company. You figured that you're gonna kill it. You managed teams and had super productive outputs for your old boss. And maybe that works pretty well for a while because you are excited, and you wanted to really bust your ass and crush it. Then things start falling apart. No jobs are coming in, and your productivity has tanked deeper and deeper into the never ending bucket of failure. You suck. Everyone hates you. Your family is on their last bag of rice and beans, and it's your fault. Sounds pretty miserable right? It is. And it's your fault. 

The answer, my friend, is OODA Loop. For those non-military brats out there, OODA Loop is the cycle observe–orient–decide–act. It's also fun to say. Try it out loud. OODA LOOP. Nice! You sound great. Just kidding, I know you didn't read it out-loud, LAME. Anyway, let's continue.

Observe. 

You are in the fifth circle of hell, and no one cares about you. You are a loser, and no one wants to be around you. You also smell bad for some reason. You kinda hate yourself and feel like maybe you should call up your old boss to beg for your job back. What led to your fifth circle experience? 

You lost steam and let other things creep in and take over your desires to be the best in your field. Like you watched all of youtube. ALL OF IT. That's some hardcore procrastination. Maybe you also weren't doing the things that were the most useful things to be doing. OH, and you also thought you don't really need a schedule because it's just you, and how hard would it be to keep track of the stuff that needed to get done. After all, you managed a larger team and did that well. You're failing—step one complete. 

Orient.

Where is true north? You pull out your compass and point it north. Also known as soul searching for the reasons you started this thing you have and what your options are to get back on track. You can think about past experiences, maybe when you worked for someone else. What worked for you then when the productivity of your team dipped? Write it all down. When you write them down, you are disassociating, and that gives you perspective. It's pretty hard to look objectively at a thought in your head. Trust me, I am your guide, after all. All your options and solutions are now down on a piece of paper—time to bring in that D. 

Decide. 

Take what you have on paper and make a game plan. An objective game plan, not some half-ass idea you threw together in 10mins. The bigger the problem, the longer you should reflect. I mean, unless if it's like a life or death situation, then you should make whatever decision gets you away from the bad man with the knife the quickest. But that not you. You're sitting at your kitchen table with some excellent cabernet sauvignon. 

Act. 

This one is pretty much the easiest to explain. You just do the thing you wrote down as a plan. It's easy to explain and hard to do sometimes, but you're turning over a new leaf. You're a rockstar. Better than that, actually. You're an entrepreneur, an OODA looping entrepreneur! 

When life throws a giant ball of shit at you or you throw it on your self, learn from it, analyze how it happened, and move forward. ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD, even if it's a crawl. 

Now go have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I Used To Make Mistakes…

I still do, but i used to too. I’m impatient. I don’t communicate expectations. I’m rude. I shut people out. I assume the worst in myself and others. I push people away. I never spend a lot of time thinking about my pitfalls. Until now.

We have a culture happy to talk about how failures are a great learning opportunity, but often those “failures” were mostly due to our omission, not our commission. No one likes reflecting on how they have let down or betrayed people or themselves. It’s painful. It’s way more painful than seeing something in hindsight that happened to me that I can approach differently next time. I like the external variables. Internal variables are painful.

The only person to blame for my failure is me. It’s me. I am the sole reason for my pain point, and the only one that can fix that is also me. Somehow this is much, much harder to solve. I let myself down. How do I know I won’t let myself down again? I don’t. So what’s the solution?

Change.

Do better.

Be the opposite of my default.

Default is self-focused. Default is inward. Default is environmentally based.

Like a child unaware of his behavior, I repeat the same things over and over. Like a child, I see things through my desires and feelings. It’s all about me. I’m the reason the world continues. Fuck that.

Mastery of the brain takes time, attention, and intention. I don’t expect a seedling tomato plant to bear fruit without care and nutrients. So why do I expect good things from myself if I don’t take care? I ask myself each morning, “what worked and didn’t work from yesterday? How can I improve today?” Every day is a new day. Maybe I failed myself today, but tomorrow is another attempt. It is another opportunity to stop being inward-focused and start treating others with kindness and generosity.

Observe. Reflect. Act.

Self Care

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”

― John Lubbock

Seems like I’ve always been working, I literally started working at 6 or 7 with my parents janitorial work. I got paid $2 a day. No bills. No food cost. $2 a day. That’s not half bad. I spend half my paycheck every month on rent currently so all in all not terrible pay. I’m such a huge proponent of working your butt off until the end of the age. The hardest thing for me to do is schedule in some rest time on the regular. And I really do have to schedule it because I’ll work myself into sickness. This is where it helps to have a wonderful wife that tells you that you are being stupid and working too much. That’s my solution. I don’t have wisdom in resting well. I know it’s important but I just lucked into a wife that is blunt about my lack of self care. You all should get one!

I must’ve been 8 or 9 when Mrs. Woolever passed. Even though my grandmother had died when I was 6 or so, this was the first time I remember feeling the closeness and finality of death. My family was over at her house to listen to her play organ and maybe, if she was resolute enough, teach me and my brother a thing or two about playing piano and reading music. She started by singing and playing hymns but soon after her left hand wasn’t hitting the keys anymore and then she started slowly falling backwards off of the piano bench. She was having a stroke but I had no idea what was going on. It wasn’t until later that night that my dad told us she had passed. A flurry of thoughts rushed into my brain but mainly it was just confusion.

Oh my, that’s intense. Sorry, but I think that story lays some ground work for why I am the way I am. I have, more recently, looked at life as a countdown timer. I look at each passing second as a moment I will never get back. I really do think death should be something that motivates us to live in the moment and take care to make the most out of every second. Death gives us structure. We only have so much time that is given to us so we must make the most out of it. Those ideas you have about making greeting cards or taking a risk and starting your own business, they will either get done by you or someone else. The odd thing about death is not knowing when or how it will attack. It could be any moment for any of us yet we say ‘yes’ to things that don’t inspire or lift us up. How come? Why not fill your mind with the kindness and joy of a book or art rather than the anxiety fueling 24hr news cycle? We can. It just take saying ‘yes’ to it. You have way more control than you think you do.

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

― Mark Twain

THE W

The 37th floor of the W Hotel here in Austin has been my workplace for the past year and a half. Every morning starts with a 10 min process to get my car checked with valet, obtain credentials giving me access to the penthouse, and a very long ear-popping elevator ride. I love that I get to bring balance to the valet's life when I roll up in my 2002 Mazda Protege and park next to every flavor of Tesla. It's a place of constant change. Some days I leave feeling like I did something incredible, and other days I look for a different job when I get home.

The company I work for does the high-end metal fabrication. We have constructed some of cool spots in Austin: Eberly, Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center, The W Hotel, ETC and tons of private homes. However, most of the people that work for the company are what we call, "bruisers" They are the kind of people that use a hammer to crack an egg. What they needed for this job was "finishers." Finishers coax the yoke out of the egg by persuasion. That’s how I got put into the field. I have a background in doing some highly precise work. Our tolerance for this nightmare is 1/32" (1/64" in either direction). That's about the size of a business card. The tension is very high. Eight people have quit since I started this gig for several reasons. One of which being the owner may or may not of threatened to wipe the flesh off some people’s backs. Every contractor in the building is the best Austin has to offer, and the owners expect nothing less than perfection.

Mr. and Mrs. K bought two penthouses at The W four years ago with intentions of connecting the two with a spiral staircase, but The W shut that down pretty quick. Since their plans got shot down, they decided to dump the budget they had for the two penthouses into just the 37th-floor penthouse. They are people of poor taste and have an outrageous amount of money. It's a lot of money. They are having a couch made of faux leopard print. Kudos on them for not killing leopards, but it's still gross. Now, I'm not well versed in buying fabric, so I don't know what an average price is, but I'm pretty sure that $70k is high. They are also spending another $50k on the frame of the couch. That's right; they are spending $120k on something to sit on.

In contrast, I spent $130k on my three-bedroom house. Everything in this penthouse is needlessly expensive and flashy. It makes me so sad to see such waste.

I grew up poor. Like, poor. My dad never made over $18k until I was married and out of the house. We lived in an RV for almost four years because someone gave it to us, and our rent was like $200 a month. Most nights, we had some gut-filling meals like cornbread and beans. I enjoyed my childhood, but I know now that it wasn't awesome. We had our setbacks that probably kept my parents up in the middle of the night, wondering how they were going to make it through the years with two growing boys. I'm sure that has something to do with my issues with Mr. and Mrs. K spending such an absurd amount of money on their penthouse. I know that they could give half of their budget to those that have no home and still have a badass place to live. However, I have to remind myself that I am not Mr. K. I didn't inherit $800 million from my mother. I have no idea what his life is like. He could be an incredibly generous and loving man that seeks out ways to give to the less fortunate. He could've cut his couch budget from $220k to $120k. There is absolutely no way to know. The point is, I am not him. It is easy for me to judge him and his exorbitant spending habits because I can't imagine spending more than I make in a year on a friggin' body holder.

I may never understand the desire for such extravagance, but I get the sentiment. Mr. K wants to fill his new home with the best money can buy. He wants his wife to be happy. He wants a place that his adult children marvel at. It makes us feel good to have things that other people proclaim amazement. I feel good when people are in awe of a guitar I built or an image I captured that is stunning. My heart fills with pride and self-confidence, and that feels pretty dang good. Maybe this guy doesn't have a single bone in his body that he is genuinely proud of. Perhaps the only thing he has to offer his family is money and stuff, gaudy, shiny stuff. If that is the case, that truly makes me sad. Hard work and dedication brings joy, confidence, and levelheadedness. To think that this man may never experience such joy, makes me feel sorry for him. I am confident in my photographic and precision building ability. I have worked hard and sacrificed a lot to achieve the level of work that I do, and I make a decent living. I would love to offer my wife the house of her dreams or a four-month vacation to the south of France. I can't imagine the kind of joy that must bring the giver, but until then, I'm happy with my little slice of the world.